Ever have a conversation with someone about a shared experience? Ever have a completely different story to tell from it?
Ever have someone try to convince you of your lack sanity because your story isn’t exactly the same as theirs?
This is sort of like that.
Since I’ve been spending a lot more time at my moms I’ve had the distinct displeasure of actually having conversations with her. I’m sad to report that even when she’s sober, most of her recollections are not as everyone elses. Most people would agree that maybe things happened differently when four or five people were witnesses.
I remember lots of things from my childhood. Odd? Not really. Nothing spectacular. I don’t remember my birth or anything, but I do remember bits and pieces of the little time I did spend with my mom and brother(s) growing up.
Somehow it always seems her version of things is always different from ours. Even ours differ some, but the basics are usually the same. It’s getting to the point where it’s maddening, because even though we’re all telling the same story somehow we’re always wrong and she’s ALWAYS right.
Like the time I was PUSHED off a moving truck. I was about five when my cousin pushed me out of my grandfathers truck. I hit the pavement face first. Went to the hospital. Pictures to prove the whole thing. No, what “really happened” was that *I* neglected to close the metal truck gate and I simply slipped. Now, who in the fuck is going to let a five year old girl lock a metal truck gate?
Even worse is she’ll tell me I told her something about someone I don’t know or talk to. When I argue she tells me I’m insane. How can I tell her about Tia Whoever’s pancreatic cancer when I don’t even know who the fuck that is!? But no, somehow I know Tia Whoever, talk to her on a semi-regular basis and have met her entire extended family including Tio Waco Taco.
She forgets, she’s been drinking consistently for years not to mention the heroin and methadone.
I don’t know if she actually believes what she’s saying or she’s just trying convince me I’m crazy. Either way, I feel like I should be smacking her every time she opens her mouth.
Phone was turned off this morning. Not sure what I’m going to do about it just yet. Luckily, my phobia of actually talking to people makes me not care so much. I do care about losing my net connection again, however. Something will be done, just not sure what yet.
Got the final notice on my electric last night. It’s only the second bill I’ve ever received from them and it’s not terribly high. You’d think they could keep their pants on another week *sigh*.
I need to sell some things. There’s a lot I want to get rid of but I can’t even list on ebay now that my camera is MIA.
Now would be a good time for a hug or stiff drink. I seem to lack the ability for either.
You asked for a question so here it is...
I was looking at your archive and pictures you've tooken of yourself. You are really cute and have a great smile and I think you look adorable....
What makes you smile? What makes you feel good? What makes you happy?
And, keep smiling. I love it.
Smiles mostly come from being around my little boy, good music, good friends, good food, love and fluffy animals.
“Gays and lesbians are not allowed to legally marry. Gays and lesbians are not allowed to openly serve in the military. Gays and lesbians are not protected from being fired for their sexual orientation across all 50 states. None of these rights and protections exist on a federal level. So, then, why are we so surprised when teens pick on gay kids? When a government says it is OK to discriminate against gay people, kids think it’s OK to hate them. All politics are personal, and nothing is more personal than being treated like a second-class citizen.”—Dorothy Surrenders: Make it a better place (via thewayshewalks)
While I’m not a fan of my own face (particularly without makeup) it is what it is. I don’t find myself terribly attractive, though I do have my moments. Some day I will be alright with me. Today isn’t that day is all. I have my plans. Shit I need to finish. Then I’ll be happy, hopefully.